Two Shadows
by LucyLives
Summary: There will be two shadows on Robin's wall tonight, kissing, embracing, and making love. There has never been and never will be room on that wall for a shadow of my own. Rae/Rob/Red Rae/Rob/Star
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: This is a story of two loves triangles-Rae/Rob/Red by request of one of my viewers, and also Rae/Rob/Star because I just love how juicy that can become.

READ THIS: This story is NOT fluff. I repeat: NOT FLUFF.

Two Shadows On The Wall

To think that I do not feel, that I cannot feel, is, to be very frank, shit.

I feel.

I feel more than anyone knows, and most likely more than anyone else in the Titans because I have no way of showing these feelings. Time and time again I have seen Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin open up to each other, and occasionally to me, but I could never return the favor, I know that.

But, still…I feel.

I can only be thankful that Beast Boy and Cyborg's journey into Nevermore, my mind, was not even halfway. To think the things they would have found! Hope, and Caring, and Fear, and Pride, and Fury, and Rage, and Hate, and Dark. And then, if they had managed to get to the very end, they would have found-god forbid-Love and Lust. I think it was Azar's doing, seeing as I would have nearly died if any of the Titans had found out what I really felt.

Sometimes, I leave the Tower late at night to go to a shabby little pub that was the first place I visited when I arrived on Earth, not knowing where to go and what to do-that was when Fear had shown her true eye, how strong she could be. That is where I am now, sitting on a booth with a cup of coffee between my small, white hands. They're nice hands, not long and graceful like Starfire's, and come to think if it, they wouldn't look as good intertwined with Robin's. But, still-nice.

The bartender tonight shoots a wink my way. "Can I get you anything else, cutie?" I often get these comments from men these days, and they aren't just greasy haired bartenders-they are teammates-Speedy, Beast Boy, even Aqualad. A few months ago this would have excited and enthralled me, but it doesn't anymore. I don't think a chance with romance will ever thrill me again, except for one case. Unfortunately, it's the most hopeless one.

I shake my head. "No, I was just going."

The door jingles as I push it open and head out into the night. I don't want to deal with that right now. I don't want to deal with anything.

I head back in the direction of the Tower, the closest thing I have to a home. A home I have to share with the boy I'm in love with, the lover of another girl, a boy that never spares me a glance. Some home I have.

My sleeve catches on a rusty piece of barbed wire on a "Beware of Dog' sign. It makes a small gash on my wrist. I glance at it and raise my arm, staring at my cut. My blood, turned black in the dark, trickles down my arm like paint. I run my finger through it and its smell makes me gag.

I ignore it. It's not by far the worst wound I've ever had. I go on my way, and see a shadow out of the corner of my eye move slightly. I tilt my head, and see a flash of red.

It's Red X, and I swear under my breath-I need anything but this right now-my arm sliced open and in normal clothes, no less. I want to get home, I want to get home to…Robin. The shadowy figure approaches me, and I tell myself-this IS Robin. Robin in just another one of his masks.

I speed up.

He does too.

I feel his copper-covered hand grip my arm. "Why would a pretty little thing like you be out so late, now?"

I don't turn around-when I get home I swear I'll give Robin hell about this. "Leave me alone. I'm not a girl you want to cross."

His arm reels me in, and pins me tight to his body. I feel his hot breath on my neck, and I can barely believe this is _Robin_, my love-struck Leader with a chivalrous attitude. Robin would never touch me like this, he would never touch anyone like this except for Starfire, which he does publicly. "I know exactly who I'm crossing, little bird." His cold finger traces a line down the side of my neck. "And I know I want to."

I kick back, and catch him in the groin. He lets go of me, but I hear no grunt of pain, and I suspect he barely felt it, and is just letting me think I hurt him to toy with me even more. Nevertheless, I run. And he doesn't follow.

I reach the Tower's doors, and type in the code, covering the dial with my aura so no one sees it. I enter the Tower's huge living room, and as usual it is completely dark: that's the way I like it. My room is like that, too, to remind me of Azareth. That thought brings back a memory, a special one.

_Robin took a nervous glance around my room, and I could tell it was a bit intimidating to him, as it was to most everyone. "Seems like you like black a lot, huh?"_

_I smile at his childish comment-Robin is no more mature than Beast Boy. Then, it occurs to me: now would probably be a good time to get to know more about my Leader-he was still a secret, to everyone, even Starfire. "Hey, Robin?"_

_He turns to me. "Yeah?"_

"_Do you have eyes under that mask, or do you choose to hide them because they aren't there?" It's a pitiful excuse for my usual sarcasm._

_He looks surprised. "I have eyes."_

_I shake my head. "I guess what I'm asking is…will you show them to me?"_

_He pauses, and then peels off the Spandex-like material to reveal stormy blue eyes. I stare for a moment, trying to sink in the fact that Robin took off his mask for me, then manage, "They're…blue." _

_It sounds nothing like me, and I hurry on. "Cyborg owes me five bucks."_

_He smiles, and my heart flutters-weird._

"_Next time, you have to take off your hood. Agreed?"_

_Sounds like a deal. I nod. "And what next, we take off our clothes?"_

_He smiles again, and my heart flutters again-again: how strange. "If I'm lucky."_

That was, of course, before he fell desperately in love with Starfire. It's not like it means much to me anymore. I reach the steps to the upstairs level, which is by far the largest part of our Tower. As I troop up the steps, I think about tonight's events-and Red X's arms around me had been only too warm and too real-it had been a living person, not just a hologram. It had to have been Robin. I feel something trickle onto my leg, and look down to see that my gashed inner wrist is bleeding much more profusely now. I sigh-wounds never hurt very much for me, as I do not have a physical Pain symptom-but they have always been very annoying, like a fly buzzing around you during a day out on the shoreline.

Also, since the rest of my team is particularly squeamish at the sight of another's wound, I decide to heal myself though it would most likely be gone by morning. I walk down the hall to fetch a Herbal Tea baggie. The taste has always been so strong I find it so much easier to meditate, which makes it easier to control my power, which makes everything better for everyone. Well, almost everyone, that is.

I pass by Robin's doorway. To my surprise, Starfire comes barreling out in a bathrobe. I step aside, and she crashes into the wall. I could care less about whether she broke her nose right now, but I don't necessarily want to waste any meditation time. "You ok, Star?"

She looks up. Her nose isn't even bruised, though it would have cleanly snapped any normal person's in half very cleanly. One perk of being an alien is having weirdly strong bones, I suppose.

"I am fine, Friend Raven. And how are you this lovely evening?"

Like I'll tell her that. I stay silent.

Suddenly she lets out a bloodcurdling shriek that sends Robin hurling out the doorway to her aide. I see she is pointing at my arm, which is now dripping my dark rubies onto the carpet. "Friend Raven has been most grievously injured!"

It's barely scratched. I hold it up to show Robin that there is nothing to worry about, and he is still for a moment. Then he steps foreward, and takes my wrist in one hand, "Raven, what did you do?" I yank it away and see that Red X has left a mark-a small, crimson cross is dug into my flesh, on top of my original wound.

"I think you should know what this is." I answer snidely.

He looks confused. "What do you mean? I was here with Starfire this whole time." I see Star flush out of the corner of my eye, and realize Robin's belt is missing.

_I see._

"It's nothing, Robin. I'm sorry for interrupting you."

I walk away, and for once this is much more than even my dark demon's mind was able to soak in with no trouble. Robin was NOT Red X tonight? How is this possible? I reach the kitchen, and open the cabinet to take out my packet of tea bags. I place the kettle on the stove and put the water to boil.

'_Admit it, Raven: you miss when Robin didn't love another girl.'_

'_Get OUT of my mind, Truth.'_

In my mind, I begin a conversation with the Robin that is not here with me, and will never be here for me-not anymore.

"_You lust for me, Raven." He says, taunting me. "You want to be the one I hold now more than ever."_

_No, I say, I don't want you any more than you want me. _

"_Lie. That's a lie, and you know it. You lie to me every day, Raven, and lie to yourself, and your feelings, because you and I both know you're still in love-"_

"No." I won't allow this kind of wishing-it's not healthy. The kettle whistles to me. 'Wake up, silly witch.' It says. 'Robin has his whore, and it's time to face that reality.'

I take it off the stove, and pour the steaming contents into a cup, then placing the tea bag in it, watching the water envelope the leaves as they disperse.

It is then I realize: I must move on as soon as I can. Tonight there will be two shadows flickering on Robin's wall, kissing, embracing, and making love. There never has been and never will be room on that wall for one as small and insignificant as my own. I hide from the light, and Starfire welcomes it. I will be alone in my room, not even making a reflection on my dark wood walls-because that's who I am-the girl who lives in the dark.

Well, now, in case you hadn't noticed, this chapter has some un-shown sexual activity involved. If you don't like it, don't read it, and please don't flame-it's just dumb.

Forever yours,

The Author


	2. Chapter 2

I'm thinking about doing a lemon, or a lime, or grapefruit. Giggity. Vote Rob/Rae, Rae/Red or Rob/Star.

Forbidden

That night, I dream of all I am forbidden from. I dream of Robin's face, close to mine, over mine, I dream of laughing, and joy, and love, and sex. I dream of his face lighting up and his lips curving at the edges slightly as they do whenever he sees Starfire. I dream of how I had once been able to look at him and see a perpetual friend and potential lover; he had been a person I could trust and confide in until his obsession with a certain beautiful alien had snatched his remaining interest in my dark self away. I dream of how he was the only one, I had decided, I would have or let have me as long as I lived. I dreamt of that forbidden feeling, Lust, climbing out of her deep hole and beginning to dance around Nevermore, laughing, and singing.

I dream of when I had traveled into Nevermore after that revelation, how I had been so shocked to see her, a new feeling I'd never felt before. She had smiled at me, and thrown her head back, and laughed at me, the silly bitch. Thrown back her head and laughed at my self-denial, my fierce refusal to see the pleasure Robin's touch had awakened in me. That was when I realized-he was forbidden to me. These feelings were forbidden to me. The night, of course, never should have happened in the first place-it was forbidden, too.

I had sent a beam of my aura right at Lust, knocking her onto her face. She looked up, her nose broken and bleeding, and frowned.

"I just wanted to have a little fun, Raven." She had whined. "Is that so bad?"

I had then left my emotions to tend to the injured Lust, not to return for the rest of the month.

I woke up to find that the sheets were soaked with my sweat.

I tugged on my uniform, then trooped down our many sets of stairs, surely looking grumpy and cynical, as the dream still cloyed all other images in my mind. I enter the kitchen, reach into a cupboard to fetch my Herbal Tea, then I see Robin sitting at the counter, staring at me, expecting me to greet him.

I do not need to see him, not now. I don't greet him.

He clears his throat. "Uh-good morning, Raven."

I put the water to boil on the stovetop. "It sure is, Robin." Ha. "How's Starfire?" I turn to look at him, waiting for the tea kettle to whistle to me. My gaze seems to intimidate him, and he looks away.

"St-starfire…?"

"Why, yes." I respond, making my voice coldly surprised. "Considering the events of yesterday night, I wanted to make sure that your fun wasn't wrecked." There is no way that I will give him the satisfaction of thinking that I'll go out of my way to be kind.

He looks at me, his eyes shocked. "Raven, I don't know what you're talking about. Starfire and I just…" His voice trails. "We…wanted to go…farther, that's all."

Huh.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head. "But I would like to just talk to you, Raven. Just about things in general. I…well…I miss that sometimes." He pats the seat next to him. I take the whistling kettle off the stove, and pour a steaming cup into my favorite jar, then dipping the tea bag in. As the leaves spread out in the hot water, I step next to Robin and sit where he intended. His eyes shimmer behind his mask, and he smiles. I wish he wouldn't have: my heart gave a jump at the sight of him smiling at me in that way. "So, how has life been since we've last had a talk?"

I shrug. "It's been okay. I still get tortured by Beast Boy's awful comedy videos and attempts to make me laugh. I still walk away when Cyborg is kissing the roof of his car. You know, when I think about it, not much has changed. I'm still the same." I don't even have to think about it to know that it's a lie.

He stares at me, a small grin on his face. "I don't know. I think you've changed a lot. I remember we were having a Disney marathon, and during Beauty and the Beast, you were crying your eyes out when the Beast was stabbed. A few months ago, you never would have shown that much emotion."

I scowl at him. "Times change, people change, feelings change. Everything changes, Robin, nothing remains the same."

"Love remains the same."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "What is that?"

"A song I like. Just thought I'd quote from it while you were on a tangent."

"Yeah, well, love doesn't remain the same, love fades. Out of sight, out of mind. And that is from a Slipknot song."

He grins at me, and reaches for my hand.

_Shit._

"Some love remains the same. Don't be so negative all the time. You're pretty when you blush, you know."

That bastard. What makes him think that he can shut down every single hint of interest I've ever shown in him, then suddenly decide, out of the blue, no less, that he wants to toy with me? I turn away. "I'm going out." I tear my hand from his grasp. He looks shocked.

"What? Where?"

I shrug. "I'll decide when I get there."

I leave.

I wander around Jump City fuming endlessly for about an hour. On my aimless walk, I think. Inside Nevermore, all of my emotions must be tangled up in unimaginable knots, for I am experiencing my two most powerful feelings, hate and love, simultaneously.

How dare Robin! How dare he simply think that he can take my hand after pushing it away for all these years? How dare he believe that I can be overcome that easily!

I have infiltrated his mind to the very roots, and we have a bond that cannot be described in words. I had though that he had been the one who had known me the best, so how is it that he does not yet know that I am not one to be toyed with?

When I joined the Titans, I was picturing that my situation would improve, for I had formerly been wandering around the town aimlessly for days with nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep, having just arrived from Azareth to escape the wrath of Trigon. I don't think that I had even planned on making my relationship with any of them a permanent one, yet somehow it had evolved into that.

I don't remember ever having been named a specific member of Titans West, but I was recognized as such. I was also openly accepted as the insignificant Titan: I was always the one that was mentioned lastly whenever the Titans appeared in a newspaper article. The lineup was normally Robin, Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, then me. Occasionally I wasn't mentioned at all.

I am not a haughty being. I do not seek recognition. Yet every time that I see this, the evil power inside of me that remains unused kindles in my stomach with fury. It whispers to me, saying that I have a choice: if I was to use it, use the power that I had inherited from my father, than I would no longer be the last, but the first. The rest of the Titans have only seen a glimpse of the first layer of my evil power when I lost control with Dr. Light, and even then it was barely a sliver of what I am fully capable to doing.

None of the Titans could ever understand me. They are the true teenagers in the Titans: they eat surpluses of junk food, never see past appearances, and perpetually focused on glorifying themselves.

More importantly, I do not belong with Robin. Starfire, beautiful, shallow, and sensual: she belongs with him. I'm not entirely sure where I belong anymore, but I am fairly certain that it isn't with my current companions.

And, not for the first time, I was seriously considering leaving the Titans.

"_Bonjour,_ little bird."

My mind matches the voice in the split second that it takes for me to hear his words and I whirl. Sure enough, there is Red X, leaned up against an alleyway wall, his thin, muscular body clad in taut black material. His face seems to be smiling underneath his mask. I immediately leap into my stereotypical battle stance: aura lit, one hand behind me and one in front, all with the coldest expression I can muster plastered onto my face. I've found that it is a surefire way to discover if a villain is truly malicious or simply annoying. For instance, Slade would most likely be unfazed by it, but someone such as that "Control Freak" or whatever he calls himself would most likely be sprinting away as fast as his porky legs could carry him once he laid eyes on my face.

Not surprisingly, Red X seems unimpressed. "Mm. Yes, very nice, Raven. I could almost believe that you intended to attack me."

I curl my upper lip at him in a snarl that I know distorts my face in horrendously frightening fashions. "All right, Red X, spit it out: what have you stolen this time?"

The bastard only makes a little _tsk_ at me. "Now, now, Raven: what makes you think that I've stolen anything? I'm a villain, not a thief. Honestly, darling, by now you should know the difference."

"I _said_, 'What did you steal?'!" I am screaming at him now: I hate it when people call me pet names. "Tell me _now_!"

But he only smiles at me. "Oh, and one more thing: don't frown like that, beautiful. It ruins that pretty face of yours." I am infuriated, and all that I want to do is allow my aura to leave my hand to teach me just how Roths punish those who undermine them. Yet there is something inside of me, also-perhaps dumbstruck Love, more likely that idiotic Lust-that smiles at the way he is speaking to me, something that enjoys being told that I am attractive. I hear it so little at the Tower.

But, of course, there is absolutely no way that I am going to show him that. I allow the beam of light resting on my palm to strengthen in the slightest. It crackles with the dark, unmentionable source of energy that comes from my perpetual evil side; it is warm and seductive on my skin. "Don't toy with me, Red X." I order. "I'm not in the mood to be patient."

"Patient, darling?" Red X sounds exasperated. "Haven't you been patient with others, Raven? Does your little 'patience rule' include Robin?"

I feel like something huge has slammed me in the chest. I can barely breathe. "How the hell do you know anything about Robin and me?"

"So," he smirks, "there's a 'Robin and you', is there? Does someone have a little bit of a crush?"

_Bastard_. "Listen," I snap, "stay away from me. You've sought me out these past two times we've met, and sooner enough people are going to take notice. I'm a town heroine, and you're the town villain, so keep your hands off of me. After all of this time that you've been trying to grope the pretty, universally desired alien, it's going to seem fishy if you suddenly start stalking the gothic girl. If you aren't here to engage me in a fight, then beat it: that's an order."

After a monologue like this, people usually obey. I'm a little surprised and exasperated to see Red X's thin lips twist into a smile. "Starfire, desired? I think not, Raven." He takes a step nearer to me. "Have you noticed where boy's eyes are traveling when they see you these days? Have you even thought to look?"

His words scare me slightly. Who could he mean?

He takes another step. "And I can tell you this, it's very far from your eyes." Another step taken, and suddenly our shoulders are touching. I didn't know how close he was until just now. What's happened to the sensible Raven, who would have seen his frequent advances at once? Or had I seen them, but had not stopped them, because I wanted to feel him touch me? Nevertheless, I look to the floor, so he doesn't see what may or may not be in my face. I feel his thumb on my chin, and it lifts my face so I am looking directly at him.

I don't really know what to think or how to react. I smell his breath through his breathing slits, and it seems almost sweet.

"Not that your eyes aren't very pretty, Raven." He says, stroking the skin on my chin softly with his thumb. I shiver. His other hand comes back and pulls my hood off. "You should let down your hood more, little bird-that pretty little face of yours deserves some attention." He leans foreword, and I feel his warm breath on my lips, and I don't care that we're practically in broad daylight. I need something like this to show me that someone does want me, and he knows it. My demon side screams in agony, trying to decide whether to like or despise the taste of his breath in my mouth.

Then, I suddenly snap out of my dangerous reverie: most likely it is Intelligent's doing. Thank Azar that she is one of my stronger traits.

"Stop."

He looks at me, confused. "What do you mean stop?"

I try to get more space between our faces. "I mean stop it. I don't want this."

He looks shocked, almost a mirror image of Robin's face this morning at breakfast's 'talk.' "Why? What am I doing wrong?"

I could almost laugh. Here I am in the arms of a villain, dreaming of a forbidden boy I've loved for years, wanting Robin, but also finding myself wanting Red X, needing both of them, and Red is asking what HE'S doing wrong? "You're crossing a line. That's what you're doing wrong." I loosen his arms, and they drop to his side limply. "You don't know me, Red X. You're a villain, and I don't trust you. Nothing you can ever make me trust you. We are enemies, and we exist only to fight one another when you commit a crime. Leave me be. I don't want to have this sort of thing happen again." I begin to back up. "That's an order."

"Raven!" He sounds furious, and I halt immediately. He just sounds so much like Robin. "You think that this is just a passing fancy where I suddenly get the urge to grope a random heroine? I thought that you were more in tuned to the emotions of others than that. Don't try to fool yourself into thinking that's all it is. I just want to keep you from getting hurt by that _bastard_ that you think that you love."

This monologue surprises me. "Red X-"

But then he is gone, swinging up the fire escape of the building that is on the left side of the alley we are standing in. He vanishes in a flash of darkness against the high morning's sun.

I wanted to get him away from me, but now that he's actually going away, I feel awful. Azar help me.

When I return to the Tower, Robin is sitting on the couch waiting. "We had a battle with Slade." He says accusingly. "Where were you?"

I stare blankly at him. "What do you mean? I was just visiting Azareth for a little while." Robin knows about my frequent trips to my home planet, even if others don't. "Was I really gone for that long?" He keeps on glaring, and that surprises me.

"Nice try, Raven." He turns to the TV and switches it on. "I know what you're doing." My breath catches in my throat. How the hell could he know? Has he been watching me? Good Azar! "You're visiting Speedy, that's what it is." I let out a huge gusto of air. I let the idea sink in, then burst into uncontrollable laughter. Speedy? Nothing could be farther from the truth. How could my leader be so wrong?

He looks indignant. "What?"

I wipe my eyes, and look up. "Just the thought of me and Speedy-it's the funniest thing." I smile. "To think what our kids would look like-it's like imagining your's and Kitten's kids."

He tries to scowl, but I see his mouth twist.

I grin at him, probably for the first time since we he began his relationship with Starfire, and he smiles back. But behind my mask, I hate myself. Because he finally wants to be more than my friend, but suddenly am I losing interest?

Am I losing interest because of Red X? Because of his arms, seductive and owning around me, of his sweet breath blowing in my mouth?

Am I falling in love with an enemy?

I can't be. Love is forbidden.

Vote Red Lemon for a Red/Rae lemon, vote Rob Lemon for a Rob/Rae lemon. Easy enough.

Again-don't flame. It's just dumb. Don't like, don't read. Constructive advice very welcome.

Forever yours,

Raquel


End file.
